October 30, 2006

A game of 5s..

LONG time since I blogged ... and say I got tagged by Vidya ... and its abt a game of 5s .. 5 this .. 5 that... anyways.. here goes..

->Ten Years Ago

1. Was 12yrs old..
2. Used to play chess and a 2D car race - Cisco.. on PC ..
3. Was still a kid - had a GI Joe collection
4. Was a thin guy (yup... u read that rite - thin :D )
5. Was very shy..

->Five Years Ago

1. 17yrs old...
2. Completed my 12th successfully and quickest at doing math-integration problems in class.. ha. ;))
3. Highly inclined towards computers/games/programming
4. 1 yr since I changed my hair style from super-short hair to relatively long hair ..heh
5. Had made my 1st real gang of friends.

->Last One Year

1. 21yrs old also in the final yr of engg course..
2. Hardcore UT2k4 gamer.
3. Had a heavy metal fan/guitarist look.. still have it..
4. Got placed into Infosys .. (now working for Accenture tho :D)
5. Wrote my GRE..


1. Was a Monday.
2. In the office, no particular work
3. Cauvery issue goes in favour of TN, panic in city - expected riots.
4. Evening spent sleeping, 'kathi' on phone, sleeping again
5. Spent time talking to friends...slept off at 10.

->Five Things Planned for next 5 Years

1. Get some work experience.
2. Go abroad for studies and complete it within these 5 yrs.
3. Hopeful 2 find some1. :)..
4. Get a better Job wit my M.S(or PhD) degree.. oh I will..
5. Visit Europe - the fields n all those beautiful places we see in movies..

->Five Yummy Things

1. Those icecreams @ corner house
2. Pal Ada ( Super sweet 'payasam'/kheer ..)
3. Paneer curry
4. Chocolates..
5. Kerala thaali.. nammude onam sadhya...

->Five Songs I know by heart

hmm... not exactly by heart.. but most parts o these songs -

1. Duran duran - Ordinary World
2. Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
3. Linkin Park - In The End
4. Metallica - Nothing else matters
5. James Blunt - You are beautiful

Know the chorus of most metal songs i listen to .. :D .. but I need to be listening to it as well.. umm.. something like tat.. u get the picture.. but ppl usually dont let me sing.. wonder why? 8- ;)) ..

->Five Things I'd do If I had Money

1. I wud own a Ferrari Enzo or maybe get my own Ferrari P4-5 made.. ha!
2. Will definitely own the best of the Alienwares PCs..
3. Will have a house in the best spot in Europe.. wherever that is.
4. Will make a trip to outer space .. jus like that russian guy went once..
5. And have MY OWN F1 team, maybe hire ferrari ;)!

sorry.. I am not going to say "charity work" n all.. it doesnt work in our country- howmuchever we try.

->Places I Escape to

1.My Room
2.My Phone
3.My comp and play UT2k4 online
4.Listen to watever is on my mp3 player
5.Read books/debate on forums.

->TV shows I cant miss

1. F1!!!!
Actually thats abt it.. I dont watch TV now-a-days.
3.Medical Detectives
4.Extreme Machines
5.EPL/Champions league

->Five Things I Can't Live Without

1. Food n water :P
2. Family n Friends (of course!)
3. PC
4. Communication grid - my phone, net conn.
5. The latest addition - my Bike!

-> Five Things I Can Live Without

1. TV serials, most of hindi, mallu movies, all other movies in regional languages
2. Alcoholic drinks and smokes
3. Non-veg food (took me sometime.. but now I am living without it. )

->Five Favourite Ethnic Cuisines

1. Onam time sadhyas :D
2. Chinese
3. Italian
4. Chaat stuff
5. .........

->Five best places to visit
(ones I have visited)
1. Kerala!! - the cities have nothing... but the natural beauty of kerala is pretty stunning. Have been to MANY in kerala
2. Coorg
3. Ooty
4. Singapore - ultra clean, beautiful, amazing all - in - all.
5. Blore - for all the hype...

->Five best places to visit
(ones I plan to visit)
1. Rome - the vatican
2. France
3. Other places in europe worth visiting
4. US of A
5. Outer space (:D :-? why not? ;) )


August 8, 2006

Yet Another music tag!...

This is an even more interesting tag.. tagged by quite a few -

This is abt answering a few questions wit the song u are listening to ..

to do this -
put in all the music u have on to the playlist, switch ON shuffle..
I got around 58GB of music now.. :D all loaded..

I am not rigging this one.. but i am skipping a few tracks if they appear totally off topic w.r.t the question in hand.. :)

here goes.. :

1. How does the world see you?

A. Robbie Williams - Let me entertain you..

Hell is gone and heaven's here
There's nothing left for you to fear
Shake your arse come over here
Now scream
I'm a burning effigy
Of everything I used to be
You're my rock of empathy, my dear

So come on let me entertain you
Let me entertain you

Keke.. entertain u.. ( [-x .. no no.. no weird ideas there :P ) .. the gamers get the frag entertainment .. and so on.. umm.. ya.. w/e...

2. Will I have a happy life?

A. Limp Bizkit - My Way

You think you're special
You do
I can see it in your eyes
I can see it when you laugh at me
Look down on me
You walk around on me
Just one more fight
About your leadership
And I will straight up
Leave your shit
Cause I've had enough of this
And now I'm pissed

This time I'm 'a let it all come out
This time I'm 'a stand up and shout
I'm 'a do things my way
It's my way
My way, or the highway

HELL YEAH - Happy or sad to others .. its my way!

3. What do my friends think of me?

A. Creed - My Sacrifice

wow.. this shuffle is working well...

Hello my friend
We meet again
It's been a while
Where should we begin?
Feels like forever
Within my heart
Are memories
Of perfect love that
You gave to me
Oh, I remember
When you are with me
I'm free, I'm careless
I believe
Above all the others
We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes
My sacrifice

We've seen our share
Of ups and downs
Oh, how quickly life
Can turn around
In an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and
Within your mind
Let's find peace there

'Cause when you are
With me
I'm free, I'm careless
I believe
Above all the others
We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes
My sacrifice

Yup, I am always there for my friends.. the real ones.. they know who they are..

4. Do people secretly lust after me?

A. Rednex - Cotton Eye Joe .

Well.. I did really understand tha questions.. hmm.. :-??

5. How can I make myself happy?

A. Bryan Adams - The only thing that looks good on me.

I don't look good in no Armani Suits
No Gucci shoes - or designer boots
I've tried the latest lines from A to Z
But there's just one thing that looks good on me

The only thing I want
The only thing I need
The only thing I choose
The only thing that looks good on me...is you

yeah.. go figure... ;)) ..kekeke...

6. What should I do with my life?

A. Korn - Freak On a Leash (Freakin' B mix)

Feeling like a freak on a leash (You wanna see the light)
Feeling like I have no release (So do I)
How many times have I felt diseased (You wanna see the light)
Nothing in my life is free...is free

Sometimes I cannot take this place
Sometimes it's my life I can't taste
Sometimes I cannot feel my face
You'll never see me fall from grace

Hmm... Freak on a leash NO MORE! .. Am free.. free now .. heehaw!

7. Will I ever have children?

A. Metallica - The Unforgiven 2

O_o .. well.. "YA". :))

8. What is some good advice for me?

A. Crazytown - Butterfly


I don't deserve you unless it's some kind of hidden message
to show me life is precious
Then I guess it's true
But to tell truth, I really never knew
T'll I met you... See I was lost and confused
Twisted and used up
Knew a better life existed but thought that I missed it

My lifestyle's wild I was living like a wild child
Trapped on a short leash paroled the police files
So yo. what' s happening now?
I see the sun breaking down into dark clouds
and a vision of you standing out in a crowd.

Come come my lady
you're my butterfly
come my lady you're my
pretty baby ill make your legs shake
you make me go crazy

So whos my butterfly? teehee..

9. How will I be remembered?

A. Bon Jovi - Keep the faith

The lyrics cant really be used here.. but the name o the song - .. yeah.. "keep the faith, he is up there wit us dear" says the person who is remembering me.. :D

10. What's my signature dancing song?

A. Paul Van Dyk - Nothing But You

Winamp knows me pretty well, I guess.. but not enough.. this one has good beats.. doesnt get me moving tho.. but in the car.. it will surely get me to the press down the accelerator hard!

11. What's my current theme song?

A. DJ Teisto - Sweet Mysery .. thats the name o the song.. hearing it for the 1st time :))

oh.. and this ones GOOD!!

12. What do others think is my current theme song?

A. Enya - Less than a Pearl

Out of the night has come the day
Out of the night, our small earth.

Our words drift away.
Our words journey
to find those who will listen.

We call into the distance...
We call into the distance...
We call into the distance...
We call into the distance...

Less than a pearl in the sea of stars,
we are a lost island in the shadows.

It may be our words become lost.
It may be our words find nothing, find no-one.

We call into the distance...
We call into the distance...

It cant be called as my theme song.. which wud've been Gavin Rossdale's - Adrenaline!

but I really do like Enya's music... not to mention her voice.. 8-> :-x

13. What shall they play at my funeral?

A. Godsmack - Straight out of the line.

Hee.. God smack -ed!

14. What type of women do I like?

A. Robbie Williams - She's the one

well.. not any girl :-s .. this one should be a guideline :D -> "She's the one"

:) ..

15. How's my love life?

A. Linkin Park - Nobody's Listening

Try to give you warning
But everyone ignores me
(Told you everything loud and clear)
But nobody’s listening
Call to you so clearly
But you don’t want to hear me
(Told you everything loudu and clear)
But nobody’s listening

I got a
Heart full of pain
Head full of stress
Handfull of anger
Held in my chest
And everything left is aw aste of time
I hate my rhymes
(But I hate everyone else’s more)
I’m riding on the back of this pressure
Guessing that it’s better
I cant keep myself together
Because all of this stress
Gave me something to write on
The pain gave me something
I could set my sights on
You never forget the blood sweat and tears
The uphill struggle over years
The fear and the trash talking
And the people it was to
And the people that started it
Just like you


Well thats it folks!


July 21, 2006

A Music Tag...

I 've been wanting to do this for a long time.. and ever since GDP had tagged me, and its abt my musical tastes..

done using a database from last.fm . a free site that automatically logs ur music. jus sign up :D

this is my link: Me, My Music

Right now listening to Kasz and Beal - Mortal Kombat mix. \m/ ^_^ \m/

okies .. now to my list, as of 23rd July 2006.

These are the questions the Tag requires me to answer:

1.What was the first song you ever heard by 6?

A. Keith Urban's - Tonight I wanna cry

2.What is your favourite album of 2?

A. Escapology

3.How many times have you seen 4 live?

A. Pink Floyd? Never.. :-<

4.What is your favourite song by 7?

A. Stand up for the champions

5.What is your favourite lyric that 2 has sung?

A. Angels

when I’m feeling weak
and my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
and I know ill always be blessed with love
and as the feeling grows
she breathes flesh to my bones
and when love is dead
I’m loving angels instead

and through it all she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I’m right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call she wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead

6.What is your favourite song by 9?

A. Demon Speeding. Something abt that song can be observed when u see me driving down the highway wit my car.. >:)

7.How did you get in to 3?

A. My cousin once asked me abt my tastes in music.. his friends were along wit him when i mentioned the names like maiden, limp bizkit n all.. this was in 11th.. those guys made me listen to Du Hast. been a Rammstein-er ever since ...

8.What was the first song you heard by 1?

A.This is the new sh*t started listening to this group when i was really bored .. but after that.. realised what i've missed.. goodness. these guys rock!!

9.What is your favourite song by 4?

A. Coming back to life

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

10.How many time have you seen 9 live?

A. ROFL .. zombie? NA! havent been lucky enough to see em in action...

11.What is a good memory you have concerning 2?

A. "I am loving angels instead".

12.Is there a song of 8 that makes you sad?

A. Yes - "It Hurts". Thats one senti song..

13.What is your favourite album of 5?

A. Havent been lucky enough to get ALL of ONE album. Have a mixed collection and what ever I have - I am sure - In Flames DOESNT disappoint. OWNZ!!

14.What is your favourite lyric that 3 has sung?

A. Rammstein?? =)) .. I dont really follow German... but I love it for the feeling it gives.. the adrenaline rush is too much! .. anyways, for the record - Feuer Frei.

15.What is your favourite song of 1?

A. Personal Jesus.

16.What is your favourite song of 10?

A. Running Free/The Clairvoyant/Hallowed Be Thy Name/Judgement of Heavens/ Fear of the dark.

I cant decide b/w these..

17.How many times have you seen 8 live?

A. Havent seen any .. I hope they come to India or I get a flight to UK at the right time.. :D

18.What is your favourite album of 1?

A. Again - a collection of songs.. no album as such..

19.Is there a song of 3 that makes you sad?

A. ROFLMAO!! Rammstein makes NO1 sad.. O_o...

20.What is a great memory you have considering 9?

A. AHHA... - 15+ kms of uninhibited nh47 .. The songs - Demon Speeding, Devil Man, 2 Lane Blacktop, and Never gonna stop. Road almost empty, the highway police doesnt usually patrol this section, got the car to a blistering 125kmph.. muhahaha.. sounds crazy, aint it? Loved it... one helluva memory for a car lover who has to statisfy his need for speed wit a wagonR and indian roads. :D ..

now all ya music lovers head for last.fm .. and do this blog.. if u dont have a blog.. start one!


July 9, 2006

In the end..

Date: 10th July

"I want to have the same last dream again,
The one where I wake up and I'm alive.
Just as the four walls close me within,
My eyes are opened up with pure sunlight.
I'm the first to know,
My dearest friends,
Even if your hope has burned with time,
Anything that's dead shall be re-grown,
And your vicious pain, your warning sign,
You will be fine.

Hey ohhh,
Here I am,
And here we go,
Life's waiting to begin. "

~ Angels and Airways.

That ones for all o my batchmates, my friends.

The day came.. and now its like the aftermath of a war. Sadness, terrible loss, tears, n more tears.. thats wat I see around me.

Yday was like the LAST day all of us were together.. @ our friends wedding @ ICC, Le Merdian. The emotions running outta control. We wont be the same again, ever. the day we all feared the most - the day the 66 went in 66 different ways. some left yday, some today, some tomm.. within a week - there wont be a 66, not even a 6. The most cruel game of life.. as the saying goes - Love makes us come together and then makes us part. Time does this wit ruthless precision. Yes, I am upset. dead upset. The memories jus flow. I dont cry .. Its not my way. but I cant seem to speak to any1. thats why I am blogging. But maybe that one odd tear escaped my eyes yday..

A day that began wit me really wanting to drive all around the city wit my friends, ended up wit every1 in tears and me - loudly silent. After having a scene wit even guys crying for they were all going separate ways that day, cant blame em for being such good friends can u? .. from there, bidding good-byes to all i could find, me n 13 o us headed off to wellington island to jus spend sometime in the quite sea front there. We spend around 2 quiet hours, spliting up into smaller groups at times.. then grouping up, sharing all the thoughts. Then we headed off to barista.. but had to head to the see-off point. I rather not explain the scene. 'Upsetting' is an understatement.

When i came here- never expected to get so close to ppl. This place, for being a real pain at times, my class - made me realise wat life is about. and now i'm having to part wit it. But like the saying goes - "C'est la vie".

My turn to bid farewell is jus coming .. withing 5 days. O_O .. NOW - that number - I JUST realised that .. holy hell!!

oh well.. its jus this phase - going thru this...

Will it ever happen again? Could time run backwards someday? I dont believe or wish for such things to happen.. but now I find myself wishing so.

oh well.. cant seem to get the words.. have always had the problem of getting the words when I need em the most -


Date: 15th July
Time: 1930 hours

I am rite now at the webworld.. they 've all left.. suddenly feels so empty.. I think of calling one o em up.. then i realise .. there is no1 around. each one somewhere now.. :(

This is the toughest phase i guess.. am not thinking.. not able to .. now i want to join infosys.. want to be wit them.. but.. my fault - had i cleared the paper.. i wud 've been on that bus now..

no.. i wont regret this.. i wont let this break me.. but the pressure seems to be too much.. crushing me each time i feel upset - JUST that one bit..

Lost in time.. lost in thought.. lost in emotions i've never felt before.. I have to survive thru this.. pull thru without them.

This one is for all em - they know who they are..

miss ya.


June 7, 2006

One of those really good fwds..

I just got this as a fwd.. .thought I should share this wit u ppl..

one o the best fwds I 've ever got. Perhaps I like it cuz I can relate myself to most of those lines.

June 1, 2006

A bl0g.

AAAHHH....2/3 weeks to university exams and we still dunno when our exam will start, for sure. My results came out. disappointing 63%. tho i cleared everything. now my total is jus a shade below or dead on 68%. Infosys cut off. oh well.. thats the least of the thoughts troubling me.

I really dunno why I am typing this out now. Guess its cuz I don 've any1 to talk, at the moment. Went for a small get-together today noon. me n 5 o my schoolmates. it was different this time. Old memories n stories were in the air...[ along wit the smell of the curries.. (sri krishna inn.. ;)) )]. recollecting on wat n how the schooling days were like. Wow.. it was amazing. like taken back in time. thinking of how it all got us where we are now. 5 outta 6 today have been studying there since 1st std. and outta the 5 .. and 2 o us have been in the same class since 1st! tho he has never been the really close to me. well.. tats not important anymore. Nostalgia.. After we all were talking abt it.. I could very well remember every damn year oh-so-clearly!.

Now I am thinking of the last 4 years. which, along wit my 11th n 12th, is all i really want to rememeber. the years before em - lets jus say - there is nothing to be really "aah.. wow.. yeah.. tat was fun" abt. Coll life has changed me a lot. my character.. n even how i look .. my schoolmates on orkut couldnt even recognize me from my pic.. :)). and few o em had a shock when they met me today.. they were meeting me after a LONG time.. hehe.

I have already posted abt these years I guess.. simply amazing. the last few months have been of my college.. since feb - will never forget em. It has changed everything for me. The entire class has changed. I can say tat our class has by far been one o the best my coll has ever had. as a batch - we are >>>> than our juniors.. (nothin against them, jus a fact.. and i am giving a general opinion. not picking any1 in specific. there are prodigies in various fields among the juniors) .. but collectively we are a much livelier n joyful group. even considering the seniors - must say - they were really an awesome batch .. we were jus good enough to take their best n improve upon it.

Abt my class... this is how - 1st year - I joined my batch after getting an option to do so. i was in the applied electronics batch for 1 week.. from the day I entered 2002.ec batch - I could see the division of groups in the class. Quite a bad one - merit quota students n mgmt seat students. Quite a sad sight - the front rows n the back rows had virtually now friendly connections. I still dunno how it was among girls.. tho it wouldnt matter.

I was stuck b/w two worlds.. I had joined on merit quote.. wit the rank 518. ( i think logitech somehow found abt it.. and renamed their newer mx version to mx518 .. :P ). back to the topic - I found it real weird.. as my mind wasnt in tune wit those amongst the merit guys/gals .. they were all wat ppl wud call "padipist" and the ones who dont really enjoy "college life". my friends were all amongst those in the mgmt .. and quite frankly i found the company better.. and more lively. Me n 2 or 3 o us were like the bridge b/w the 2 groups. (tho the groups existed - it was mutually exclusive.. no enemity). Then the group structures changed.. here n there..

This was so till .. umm.. say - the 3rd year - till we had gone for our trip to mangalore, coorg. Things started to change. the groups started to disappear. relationships changed. The entire class was starting to work as a single unit. The change can only be felt.. atleast, I dunno how to type it out. And come final year.. our class now has no internal groups, tho some ppl are closer to certain others .. etc etc.. tats not the point anyway. now there is a seamless connection b/w all o em.

This change from groups to a single group - EC, make our class different from the rest where the reverse is wat is seen. tho AE is very similar.. but tat wud be wit due thanks to the fact that the 95% o the class are guys.. ( :P .. jus friendly competition i should say.. EC > AE :D). But our class has a 3rd o girls and still the count seems so meaningless.. the "oneness" is somethin to be felt. The teachers agree as well. Any1 who has seen us together know how it is. >:D< EC!

well .. tats it I guess. I 'll be doing a take on each o my classmates as i get time.. i have to get back to my studies now.. 4 modules is todays target. 2.5~3 done. need to finish the rest.

here is to the best group any1 could ever be in.. RASET.EC.2002 batch pwnz ALL!
will never forget this last sem .. not a minute of it..
love ya,


May 18, 2006

A light in the middle of the dark tunnel??

Exams OVER! .. atleast the internals... jus one set o exams remain between me n end o my engg life.. studies will continue..

have 3 days o complete freedom here.. waiting for my friend sahil to reach cochin. me n quite a few o us have planned to have a complete blast for these days.. for there wont be a chance like this again.

I needed something to break free with... my way out - UT! Reinstalled it back for jus 4 days. and IT FEELS SO DAMN GOOD.. HELL YEAH! I play not jus for the fun.. but also to let out all tat aggression .. even when i am feeling down.. this helps .. and now i feel way too good! was feeling sick n tired o coll n exams n studies all throughout..
jus letting myself free ...

"reclaiming my life"!!

played like 10 games.. jus lost one... need to clear tat one game as well.. tat i will! gdp - moi waiting! >:)

tats it for now!


May 3, 2006

Over and.... out. :(

Times come n gone... its officially over.. the farewell. Tho its jus been 2 weeks or so .. seems like a lot has happened and its like 4 years.. damn! My internal exams got over yday.. suddenly there is nothin to do! (yes..univs are there.. but tats all a month later) ..


April 11, 2006

Evident Changes

Sure, if we change our perspective

Im certain I will change today
Im certain it will change our ways
When things fall into place

I want you to lead me
Take me somewhere
Dont want to live in a dream one more day

- In Flames - Come clarity

this blog was written a long time ago.. never completed it... now i am finishing this one..

this was the me till a few weeks ago..:

An attempt to explain why people like me are so engrossed in gaming.......

I dunno how successful this wud be... well.. for those who don know ( :P ) ... i am pretty much into hardcore gaming... and have reached a pretty decent level compared to rest.. and really good compared to the players in the country. okie, tat aside, why did i get hooked into a simple, ... COMPUTER game?

its somethin every1 is askin me... its something a few a****** make fun o me with. i don care wat they say. i love playing Unreal Tournament 2004 and wil continue playing it til the next version is released.

oh and some say its kiddish/childish to be playin a comp game when u are 21... lol... fools.
:|. let me explain why a game .. a game based on the simplest ideas - kill ur opponents more number o times than he/she takes u out, can be so engrossing as to have made me play it for the past 1.5 years or so...

a small intro in to wat UT2k4 is all about - its a FIRST PERSON view based SHOOTER game where 2 or more players are put into a closed area - which is called a map/arena. all u have to do is aim n shoot. the map has, located in certain areas, armour, health, weapons, ammo etc.. the player can move, jump , look up n down, sideways all tat...

now stil the question remains - WHY 1.5years, rite??
quote from the book - Jonathan Livingston Seagull -
"Heaven is not a place, Heaven is not a time, Heaven is BEING PERFECT".

tat ONE line says it all... a game tat looks so simple offers SO much ...SO MUCH variations in the way it can be played by a player... defense/offense, shoot using 10 + different weapons each havin a unique property which can do max damage to ur opponent while u take the least.. then there is the choice of movement... the variations are beyond a layman's imagination. then there is the art of perfecting the aim, movement, strategy, using the sound to locate ur prey,

this is the me NOW.

completing the statement - its an art to be able to play we ppl do. its a skill that demands so much......... so much .. it made me lose so much. :( .. I am lost. I wudnt know why... I have quit gaming till my univs are over. I was really getting to level so different... for except SS, I was giving every1 a run for their money.. its not the scores tat tell the story. its the way i used to destroy my opposition wit surgical accuracy... (or docs wud start saying - we operate patients wit headshot-everytime-accuracy ; )) ). Gunner knows this.. Stryker knows this.. Darth Duttan knows this... Korn knows this.. spawn, snake.. name em .. any1 who has played me recently knows - one death is enough - game is almost over. SS cud feel the sting tho i never really got around to beat him. I AM NOT DISS-ing out at any1. we are among the best our nation can offer in this game. (this is jus frustration i am taking out .. )..

But the gamer in me still exists. Sharp, focused, honest, in the face, passionate. I spend my time driving around, biking, chatting wit friends over sms, proj work. studies are improving slowly. .

Why did i get here...? ( Why / )Was gaming the reason for me being in this position. I doubt it. But ran outta options. Life was punishing me too much for reasons I cant seem to understand. and i am not able to write abt the actual reason i started typing out the post.

but - Gamers will be gamers. a different breed. ppl who are actually more normal, more human than ppl who who don play. this is for sure. there is no questioning it. U cant.

" I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)
So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too
Right inside your skin

The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me"

- Linkin Park - Papercut.

Stil searching for reasons... for all thats been happening.


March 11, 2006

Inevitable changes.

I had it coming. I knew it the moment I opened my notebook. It was exam time. and this time I knew there was no hope. I tried. I tried hard to learn n understand as much as i can. but again time was against me. I had n have NO 1 to blame. My fault. My mistake. And I am not going to fall to my knees and pray for mercy. I am going to set things RIGHT. Myself.

As an safe measure I have done a few things:
1.) Switchin off my phone during evening hours
I am a sms junkie.. or watever u call ppl who do 60 smss an hour or more.. wit real easy. I think that has been really a big factor in me spending time chattin wit friends and not studyin when I should've been.
2.) Keeping the net down.
again.. a chat machine. I chat almost as much as I talk. tat too takes ... no ..EATS away at my time. Cut tat down by a big margin.
3.) the BIGGEST one o em all - Uninstalled UT.
for those who dunno... some o my friends say - its more important to me than water or fresh air. ..well not TAT important. but it was like a part o me. A part o me tat makes me calm. Playin used to take away all my anger, it used to ease my pain. my drug.
but i think too much o anything wud, infact, harm me... any1 for tat matter. It has. BIG time. I used to like play 3-4 games a day. easily adding up to 2 hrs.. including the chat for server address.. map selection, chat in game, waiting times, server rehosting due to lag, practice session before match. There.. 2 hours a day for gaming when i barely had time to do my daily portions.

I sleep by 10-10.30 .. or max 11. I mite sit up late if i am chattin wit my friends. else no. I dont, DEFINITELY , study after 10 pm. So the only time I have is 7-9 when I am home. and i am not allowed to sit infront o the comp after 10.30 usually. so there u go.. do the math. I HAVEN'T BEEN STUDYIN A WORD. since jan.

the end result - i failed in 4 outta 6 papers. My WORST performance. one tat i am DEFINTELY NOT proud off. I have never been this bad at exams. mainly its cuz I am a person who grasps topics easily and to get a pass or even 60% .. i need to jus pay attention to class lectures. atleast tats the way its been for the last 18 yrs .. since i started my LKG. 18, is it? aah.. anyways. ( i havent failed a year yet.. so make the correct count.. :P) ..
.. and this is exactly the reason for my poor performance THIS sem. never been payin attention to class. distracted. and upset over few things.

Now, watever has happened has happened. I am glad my parents and teachers have been really supportive of me and are helping me get over all this. I have started studying. really.
today i am taking a break. Sitting down. reading a book - "the case for faith". My friend gave this to me. Seems like she felt there were a few things wrong in my "god blog". Interesting book. Jus 40 pages into it. I already have a few questions of my own.. tat I think the author has missed out on. Maybe he does indeed asks those q's and find answers. Let me see. YEAH!.. I WILL BLOG abt tat after I am thru. Expect tat one by 9th o april.

Listening to "I still havent found wat i am looking for" by u2. Nice song. Neat, meaningful lyrics. I dunno .. having this addiction to lyrics these days. Been listenin to rather more o soft songs than my usual dose o heavy metal. I am changing all over. and I am only happy tat I am doing it myself. Have understood my mistakes, learnt em, now correcting the same.

I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
- U2.

btw, I WILL be back in gaming the DAY my final year exams are over. and I am going to raise hell.

: ) > -
the >:) signing off.

March 2, 2006

Breakpoint function

So, are you breathing

Wake up, are you alive
Will you listen to me
I'm gonna talk about some freaky shit now
Someone is gonna die
When you listen to me
Let the living die, Let the living die

(voices - disturbed)

Frustration! anger.. i dunno what i am feeling...

Nothin has been rite for a few days now.. horrible weather... UNBELIEVABLY UNUSUALLY BORING CLASSES ... bad time all around.. ( a few things i am not mentioning here as well)... and today was another BLEAAAAGRRH of a day.. my god.. going totally insane...

Push my fingers into my eyes...
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache...
But it's made of all the things I am today...
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside...
If the pain goes on...

Perfect! ... I am going insane.. life aint fair... ya.. many mite say its not.. and tat we have to fight it.. watever.. true.. but this isnt JUS UNFAIR.. its GROSSLY unfair... NOW don ask me why... i am fixing it up...

there is another blog i am workin on... tat wil come up later..
this one is jus to put my anger out...

today went playin ... MY god.. i dunno.. FRIGGIN ADL or STUPID NEW MICROSOFT KEYBOARD... it JUS WUDNT respond even as much as my prev broken keyboard wud (which i had used.. no... slammed around for the last 2 years) ...

then another thing - the STUPID MORONIC OFFICE Staff wont get me my marklists attested. okai.. the reason - simply put - for my GRE thingy...

then the bus strikes.. omFg.. all this is CRAZY.. wat the hell is wrong wit everything??

me all off the hook... pray no1 comes arguing wit me over the net now... atleast for today... else he/she is a goner... :| ...

(yup.. this one is very random ... and i usually don lose my cool... but rite now.. i have no idea wat i am abt to do the very next second... )

All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane!
All I've got...all I've got is insane!

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the thing I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

Rarely i am like this... and its not going good... not helping...

oh well.. jus a blog to release the madness..


Can't you imagine how good going through this will make you feel
I promise, no one will ever know
There will be no chance of you getting caught
They never loved you anyway
So come on, be a man

NO.. i am rarely like this..... :-<

And do what I are compelled to do

February 17, 2006

The tag of hate......

Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Open up your hate, and let it flow into me
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
You mother get up
Come on get down with the sickness
You f**ker get up
Come on get down with the sickness
Madness is the gift, that has been given to me"

- Down with the sickness by Disturbed.

now, I dunno exactly why i put tat chorus part there... but somehow it suits the situation.... and the situation is tat i have been tagged by GDP.
...err.. no no... not mad at him.. but the tag this time is for bloggin abt things i hate/dislike.

I am not too sure how many such things are there... lets find out... these arent in any order of "preference" (if u may call it so)... jus typing em down as it comes to my mind... okai.. lets get started.. (puttin on tat song ... >:)! )

=> Dishonesty - ABSOLUTELY HATE IT.
No compromise on tat .. I mite not react.. but trust me.. that relation is over for sure.

=> Talking behind the back - Now, tats so lame... aint it?? no guts? BAH.. suxOr. If u got somethin to say.. SAY it on my face... be a man! (ohkai.. if u are a girl... then... stil applies... not the "be a man" part tho :P! .. so either way.. SAY IT!)..

=> Ppl who make comments unnecessarily - I did say, I keep away from em... I am really mild mannered.. very calm.. but once I lose it... no control.. anything goes.. I rarely regret somethin I do. Come on, wats the need to comment on things jus like tat .. esp when it has nothin to do wit em??

=> Okai, coming to the state o the city n all... jus like tat... as it comes in things i hate - The traffic... FRACK!!!!!!!! OMG, cant ppl jus drive wit sense????? either they drive as if its time for them to leave planet earth and determined to take a few along wit em... or they drive as if time has slowed down for them... :|... OMG!!!

=> Oh this is an easy one - POLITICIANS!!! =)) AND X-( .. these mofo's... i did say 99% o em.. to the rest 1% - i am sorry.. ur achievements are MORE THAN OVERSHADOWED by the rest... sad case. :(.

Jus take this - the city is already friggin full wit traffics.. and in the rush hours.. on the main roads... they have march/protests... retards! :|. and now the next month, the congress / bjp .. i don a f anyways, they are having some political rally here... rite when we cant even drive around properly.. dear me.. why are ppl actually supporting all this CRAP?

=> Beliefs - Okai, now this... I believe in somethin... u can read the blog below for tat... and I don press my belief on any1... And its better to leave one to theirs... I've seen ppl sayin tat they are rite abt their religion, their faith - BULLSHIT... none it is proven.. who the frack can say they are rite? For me, I believe in Truth . I don believe in religion cuz what is being practiced today.. atleast as far as i can see it.. is a waste o time.. and NOT wat the real books on those religions say.

=> Coming to computers - I hate slow PCs, cluttered desktops, bad-tracking mice, broken keyboards, screwed up headsets or bad speakers... dark monitors... hehehe..

=> in gaming... i hate cheaters/haxOrs, ppl who play wit a negative attitude REALLLLY take it from me...

=> ppl who show jada.. no need to explain...

=> I hate answering more than a page in my b.tech papers... =)) .. i am very much to the point... i am not the one who goes around the bush ... and writes long answers... i answer, like spawn says - "short and l337"!!.. but friggin problem is tat i don get enough marks to justify my capablities... one thing is the answers are short.. but they DO contain the points... and M.G univ gives marks like as if they weigh it and then put the marks :|.

=>I HATE ppl saying Gaming is for kids... I can write an entire blog sayin why its not.. i wil.. maybe SOME1 mite get it into their heads...

=> I hate the tamil movies... esp the new ones... and HINDI - ~X(!!!!!!!!!!!!! the new movies ... except "rang de basanti" and "swades"... rest - HYPERSUX0R!!!!!!!

=> Hate BSB and shitty music like tat...

=> Hate Mallu "mega" serials...

Okai.. tats abt it... if any.. i'll add em below this line!

next tag - spawn. :D
peace ppl...

February 11, 2006

She is the one...

Was tagged by Sp^wN. Rules:
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
2. Need to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims have to join this game & leave a comment on their comments saying they’ve been tagged. (hehehe)
4. If tagged the 2nd time, there’s no need to post again. (DUUH!!!)

This tough... hmmm.. getting down to think ...

(10 mins later, the keyboard is pressed...)

this person wil be referred to as 'she' (sorry spawn... cudnt think o another way to address the person atm :"> ;D)

as usual... this is going to be short.
=> She has to be honest... and yes.. there is NO compromise on that. absolutely straightforward, in-the-face type honesty.. no holding back. Its the way i am and i would like 'she' to be like that too. There are very few things that do make me really angry.. and one o that is dishonesty... and also shying away from telling somethin that has to be. Cuz thats one o the reasons relations break up. gets on my nerve ... she has to be clear on what she says, and shouldn't keep ANYTHING away from me. so thats point one - honest.

=> Should i say she should be pretty? that wud be a stupid statement... "beauty lies in the eye o the beholder" .. well she WUD DEFINITELY be pretty ..very pretty, atleast in my eyes, if i were to fall for her. ;)) ...

=> Faith - Free to believe what ever 'she' believes in. Follow ANY religion. But shouldnt, EVER, try to force it on me. It wont work. again one o those things i am a bit inflexible on. But nothin will stop her from following what she wants to.

=> NO smoking or drinking habits. No need to explain that. hehe

=> Should love to travel, with me of course. Not tat i am a multi millionaire who can take a trip around the world any day i want.. But i love travelling.. and going around places. So whenever such trips come around, she should be happy to be along. Even the walk on beach durin sunset, or, u know, those beautiful quiet roads, those - yeah...

=> Music- this can be as sensitive as faith thingy. I generally dont listen to malayalam music OR any o the new hindi movie songs.. they make me go :-& : ~X( ... even a few english artists like bsb. Not tat she has to be a fan o what i listen to - which is rather techno/trance/heavy metal to soft music and a few , yes VERY FEW, hindi songs. so she should be one who has some common tastes.

=> Dressing up and styling - Well upto her... she shouldnt be all the saree/salwar type... nor should she be one who spends more time at the beauty parlour than with me.. natural beauty is what appeals to me, and she wud look good without any make up.. sure abt tat!
(oh and she rather have long silky hair.... i myself have tho not REALLY long.. it is long enough.. and she cud really get jealous o tat ... hehehehe.. i cudnt keep that one down )...

=> Towards other guys -Wudnt mind her talking to other guys unless it gets ..u know.. otherthan that - i am cool wit that. no problems.

=> Computer related- "I'm talkin' keyboard bangin' multitaskin' RAM burnin' HARDCORE USER CHICK!!!
>:)" (hehehe.. this one line i picked straight from spawn's..perfect explanation o what i wud look for too)... and may i even say she should have some fragging skills??? teehee... okai.. that IS a bit too much to ask for... hell, i wont have time to play n all when i am wit her, will i??? hehe...

Well.. thats abt it. Oh now i guess i have to tag some1 else? - well... i got jus one person to tag - i dunno if he wud accept it - anyways -
Ashwin E, u are on!! :D

I am not the one who falls for any1 i see jus like tat. . i take my time.. but once i am sure, i wudnt have any problems telling her.

Hope i'll find her someday..... hehe.. i will.
peace. out.


January 24, 2006

What if it all ended soon? :(

54 days n counting .... have max fun... wat the hell!!!! ..

"naaluvarsham ayi orimichu ozighi kondu erruna e puzha eni 64 ya pirum" ( translation - the river that has been flowing together for the last 4 years wil now split up into 64 parts) ...

this was that i saw today morning on the board in our class... :-<>:) .. but wat the hell ... why should we have to keep a count on all tat?? it makes me n all o the rest o em so ... sad?.. no .. an understatement.. we all go all silent when we even think o it.... the college life is coming to an end... GOD NO!!!!!!!! wat the hell!

after all ... (agent) smith was right.. always right.... (i hate that tho) .. "everything that has a beginning has an end". No.. this aint fair (again smith says that {jus a statement} ) ... but its true after all..

well.. let me jus look a lil back ... 3.5 years back.... when I joined college.. I didnt have a very fun filled school life till the 9-10th std.. no steady friends n all... and then a REALLY strong friendship in 3 guys... well.. tat made my school-life fun.. and made me feel all upset when i had to give up the school life .. and move on to college... all those 3 were in different parts o the country... was all upset for the 1st few months o coll.. never really opened up to any1 .. shy ,as i am since 20 sep 1984, never really made gr8 friends.. then eventually ... as a rule o nature.. or somethin... i did make "friends" (then... ) .. in 3 ppl... (now my best friends).. after tat .. i never really felt like i missed school.. almost forgot abt it.. not my school friends tho...

Coll life wasnt all tat hip.... well..DUH.. its rajagiri after all... year 1 did give me these 3 really good friends... then in 2nd year... i added to those 3 .. one more... these 4 ppl form the core around which i am ... (no.. not tat i don have any other friends... i am virtually connected to all o em in my class.. and many in my coll... )..

oh again... these are all random thoughts... jus typing em in as them come to my mind....

well.. its final sem now.. and it was jus tat time when all o us were gettin really close to each other ... and right when it was all perfect... this message ... AGGRRH.. a scary reminder that the fun is going to end all too soon...

some might say - "the net is there".. "we are placed in the same company" .. no... once we leave this place.. its all going to change.. all this happened when school was gettin over as well.. barely few ppl keep in touch... :|

well... guess it has to happen someday... have to enjoy it while it lasts.. ... *HUGE SIGH*..



jus wish it stayed a bit longer......................

:)>- wit a :-<

love ya all.. whoever is reading this....

January 13, 2006

The F-ing G5 mouse.

"d00d, u Fing spend Fing 4K on a Fing MOUSE????"

okai.. this is the the question (well.. variations too) i am asked always when they see me usin a black n orange colored mouse on the PC... it has a rough finish.. burnt look ... looks solid tho. this is my mouse - the logitech G5 Laser mouse.

for the uninitiated - check out this link : Logitech

this is, to an average user or newbie, a ergonomically shaped mouse that uses a LASER tracking system rather than the ball mosue from stone ages or the LED based mouse used today.. this is a mouse tat is going to be the standard of the future.

well.. plain n simple... i love technology. i brought a PC, an year ago.. i got the same q - u spend SO much on tat PC? .why?... i like havin a technology edge...

well.. coming back to the topic of the mouse.. its MADE for gaming. now again.. spending 4 k for gaming.. GOD... tats wat is probably comin to ur mind now.. well if u ask me .. its same as asking the cricket team why they use stuff that are so expensive.. u get a cricket bat for 300 bucks n also a bat tat costs 5 grand. so do u ask the same thing to a cricketer?..

okai.. another analogy... say.. u are takin an exam ... u want to get good marks ... and wanna be the best among the lot atleast. so wat can u do abt tat ...

1) study
2) have the rite stuff tat wil help u do well.. - good pen, pencils, compass, eraser, all tat...

so.. if u study well.. and don 've the rite stuff.. u can stil perform.. but definitely it wud be better if u had those. now when the students takin the exam along wit u are also equally well learned .. then the "rite stuff" wil really help.. (Obviously.. some1 wit the BEST stuff but no learnin... is going to be of no real challenege)

its somethin like tat... gaming requires a lot of skill,dedication n passion. but along wit that.. comes the need to have the rite stuff.
As i play better skilled players.. the RITE stuff helps compensate it.
Its SKILL + a good gear tat helps me be among the best i know, in person.

skill alone wil do when u are up against a weak opponent. but when ur opponent is equally skilled.. then the rite gear is needed.

so tat answers ONE part o the question i am being asked.

now there is another side to it. - money.
the mouse cost me... err.. my father - 4 grand. so is it worth it? .. well u jus gotta ask me friends who play against me.. or hell.. jus try me! and yes.. its worht every single penny spent on it.

one negative side tho - its ADDICTIVE .. it offers so much control, accuracy and the response is so fast... (to the ppl who know wat to do wit it..its not jus clicking... there is lot more, trust me.). Gaming was never more fun.