April 11, 2006

Evident Changes

Sure, if we change our perspective

Im certain I will change today
Im certain it will change our ways
When things fall into place

I want you to lead me
Take me somewhere
Dont want to live in a dream one more day

- In Flames - Come clarity

this blog was written a long time ago.. never completed it... now i am finishing this one..

this was the me till a few weeks ago..:

An attempt to explain why people like me are so engrossed in gaming.......

I dunno how successful this wud be... well.. for those who don know ( :P ) ... i am pretty much into hardcore gaming... and have reached a pretty decent level compared to rest.. and really good compared to the players in the country. okie, tat aside, why did i get hooked into a simple, ... COMPUTER game?

its somethin every1 is askin me... its something a few a****** make fun o me with. i don care wat they say. i love playing Unreal Tournament 2004 and wil continue playing it til the next version is released.

oh and some say its kiddish/childish to be playin a comp game when u are 21... lol... fools.
:|. let me explain why a game .. a game based on the simplest ideas - kill ur opponents more number o times than he/she takes u out, can be so engrossing as to have made me play it for the past 1.5 years or so...

a small intro in to wat UT2k4 is all about - its a FIRST PERSON view based SHOOTER game where 2 or more players are put into a closed area - which is called a map/arena. all u have to do is aim n shoot. the map has, located in certain areas, armour, health, weapons, ammo etc.. the player can move, jump , look up n down, sideways all tat...

now stil the question remains - WHY 1.5years, rite??
quote from the book - Jonathan Livingston Seagull -
"Heaven is not a place, Heaven is not a time, Heaven is BEING PERFECT".

tat ONE line says it all... a game tat looks so simple offers SO much ...SO MUCH variations in the way it can be played by a player... defense/offense, shoot using 10 + different weapons each havin a unique property which can do max damage to ur opponent while u take the least.. then there is the choice of movement... the variations are beyond a layman's imagination. then there is the art of perfecting the aim, movement, strategy, using the sound to locate ur prey,

this is the me NOW.

completing the statement - its an art to be able to play we ppl do. its a skill that demands so much......... so much .. it made me lose so much. :( .. I am lost. I wudnt know why... I have quit gaming till my univs are over. I was really getting to level so different... for except SS, I was giving every1 a run for their money.. its not the scores tat tell the story. its the way i used to destroy my opposition wit surgical accuracy... (or docs wud start saying - we operate patients wit headshot-everytime-accuracy ; )) ). Gunner knows this.. Stryker knows this.. Darth Duttan knows this... Korn knows this.. spawn, snake.. name em .. any1 who has played me recently knows - one death is enough - game is almost over. SS cud feel the sting tho i never really got around to beat him. I AM NOT DISS-ing out at any1. we are among the best our nation can offer in this game. (this is jus frustration i am taking out .. )..

But the gamer in me still exists. Sharp, focused, honest, in the face, passionate. I spend my time driving around, biking, chatting wit friends over sms, proj work. studies are improving slowly. .

Why did i get here...? ( Why / )Was gaming the reason for me being in this position. I doubt it. But ran outta options. Life was punishing me too much for reasons I cant seem to understand. and i am not able to write abt the actual reason i started typing out the post.

but - Gamers will be gamers. a different breed. ppl who are actually more normal, more human than ppl who who don play. this is for sure. there is no questioning it. U cant.

" I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)
So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too
Right inside your skin

The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me"

- Linkin Park - Papercut.

Stil searching for reasons... for all thats been happening.



Adarsh said...

well i am never better than u shyam or dutt ...it is from u guys that i learnt to play .

And as far as i know u shyam and dutt are the best ut players in india.

dedicated gamers...

ANd ur friends..they say so coz they have no idea abt what multiplyer gaming is abt..and they might not have exposure abt the latest multiplayer gaming happenning all around the world. u know i have a friend.. im not mentioning his name. i was playing ut online with dutt..in between i got a phone call..it was tat friend...he was aking me if i knew the cheats for DAVE game. When i started ut with duttan..i dint know anything abt gaming..not even what multiplayer or single player is..i think now i know atleast something . so if u have good gaming friends..they ofcourse can make a difference in ur view abt games :D

[XT]Darth|DUTTAN said...

@adarsh, great comment.

@neo, we cant say that we are the best in india. There are a lot of UT players out there.

btw, "more normal than normal ppl" ??

I beg to differ.

As a gamer, I believe that I am special. I believe that I am better than the "general population".

L.A.N. = Life Above Normalcy


@ft3rbuRn said...

Leading a life is fun... but leading a life where killing fields are abundant, where guns are mightier than the puny(relatively) ones existing in the *real* world is much much better.

Though i'm not as good as unreal1ty, or as i can see, even those above this post (@ Duttan), i still am a g@mer, but a different breed.

Well, talking about FPSs, there're those which are practical killing fields, aka UT series, and there are those with the skill and teamwork involved, aka CS series. When i said i'm a different kind of gamer, i meant i'm the latter.
(PS: No offence intended for the UT fans... i'm an ardent UT fan too, but i prefer CS)

I agree with unreal1ty that life has not been the best host to us, in fact, i'm sure that a lot of gamers have at least a portion of this in common. This drives us. The desire to succeed. The desire to be the best. The desire to be noticed. The desire of freeing ourselves from this wretched aftermath surrounding us in life.

@ duttan on the "general population" thing, we are different, but everything's different from different angles. We'd look at non-gamers as below us in the human speciality chart, but in their eyes, we'd just be wierdos. I'd rather look at myself as a person with my own likes and dislikes, pretty much at the same level as everyone else, just doing things differently and looking at life from a different perspective.

[XT]Darth|DUTTAN said...

@ft3rburn, I consider non gamers as people below me only when they consider/treat me as a freak/wierdo.

I am fine with people who know the meaning of the phrase -> "TO EACH HIS OWN."

[XT]Darth|DUTTAN said...


Its tit for tat. If any normal guy treats me as a wierdo/freak, then i will look down upon him/her.

"To Each His Own."